"Why? Because I do not love you? God knows I do!"

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters." 1 John 3:16

"I confess that I've been blind. Open up this heart of mine. Show me how to love! Father let this world I know take me where you want me to go. Show me how to love!" This is the calling that I'm answering in my life right now. It's time that we stop denying we are broken. Last week at CCF I made a huge leap of faith and opened up to everyone about my mistakes. It was the single hardest thing I've ever done to stand in front of this group of about 80 people, some people that I knew and some that I had never met, and admit to them that I'm broken and that I messed up. Then I played for them the song that I wrote this summer. I poured my heart into those lyrics about forgetting what we're here to live for. I sang about living for the world and not for Christ which is what I have been doing. I had no idea how hard it was going to be to become so transparent. Even more important that that, however, I had NO IDEA how much support I would receive. As I poured my heart out to them, I saw tears from the eyes of those who love me, even those who hadn't met me yet, but because of my words they already knew me so well. An individual asked if one girl and one guy would come pray for my husband and me as we stood in front of them. Then one of the most touching things I've ever felt happened, HALF OF THE ROOM or more got up and surrounded us. Since then, I've received emails, facebook messages, texts, and visits at work from people telling me how they admired my transparency and some of them stating that we should all be so open to each other.

"Are you not my brother? Are you not my sister?" We have to be there for each other! If we aren't, who will be? Christ is always there to embrace us, but sometimes that embrace needs to come to us through our loved ones. If you're not honest and open about being broken, how is anyone supposed to know how to put you back together? Further than that, when you know someone's broken what do you do to fix it? Sometimes it's complicated. Sometimes we have to take the bull by the horns. Other times, we just need to share our thoughts with another and let them handle it. The latter seems to be the hardest for me, but often-times the most appropriate way to handle a situation. Either way, we're called as Christians to handle it in love! Speaking out angrily seldom does the trick. Yes, sometimes we have to be brutally honest with ourselves and with our friends, but there's a strong line between honesty and hostility. When the brokeness has you angry, frustrated, or just down right mad, the hardest thing to do is show love. I know this. I've been there, but you have to find the strength to push through  the emotions. I have to tell myself that how I FEEL about the situation doesn't matter. What does matter is how God wants me to HANDLE it.

It's time that we get rid of this wall between us. You're my brother and sister in Christ. This war has got to end! We need to become transparent to each other so the brokeness becomes visible and we can begin the long-awaited healing process. "We are one heart beating. We are one body breathing. We are broken and needing."

"I confess that I've been blind. I confess, start with me Lord!"